Playing with Grandpa's and Grandma's bird bath during a visit with Liam's birth family
We are so blessed that adoption has touched our lives in a very positive way. I know adoption brings different meanings, thoughts and feelings to different people. For example, one of our birth mothers is constantly criticized for choosing adoption for her son even though she felt it was the best decision she could make at the time. Open adoption is another concept people struggle with. “Aren’t you afraid they will change their minds and come get him?” Apparently, in their minds, open adoption is a huge threat. The birth parents know us so it would be easier for them to take us to court. With a closed adoption, we could somehow hide and the birth parents would never be able to track us down. To me, there is more fear in the unknown and an element of sadness . (Please know that we went through all the proper legal channels for our children’s adoptions. They are legal, binding adoptions.)
We are lucky. Our sons’ birth families are wonderful, loving people. They are not locked up in prison, on drugs or any other negative scenario you could possibly imagine. They are as normal as can be and very loving. We are blessed to call them family. They treat us like family and they love their boys. Recently, Liam had the opportunity to visit with his birth mother and his birth father. Jack was slightly jealous and wanted to know when he could visit his birth family. They look forward to these special times.
If an open adoption works out for all parties in the adoption triad, consider it a blessing. We do. I feel very close to our sons’ birth families and treasure the times we spend together. It brings me great joy to see our sons spend time with their birth families. I think it is one of the greatest gifts I can give my sons. I could be selfish and somehow keep my sons to myself but why? I would be blocking my heart and their hearts to some of the most wonderful people we know.
*On a side note, one of the things that always perplexes me about the adoption process is the child’s “final” birth certificate. For legal purposes, birth certificates are updated with the adoptive parents’ names. That’s understandable but I always feel like there should be a modified version for adoptions. I should not get the credit for bringing three of my beautiful children into this world. That just doesn’t seem right. Was I in the hospital experiencing the agony of childbirth? No.